Emma (Teacher, Canada)
Emma (Teacher, Canada)
I have a 6-year-old daughter who gets extremely frustrated when she can't do something perfectly on the first try. Whether it's drawing, writing, or even tying her shoes, she immediately says, "I can't do it!" and sometimes even starts crying. I try to encourage her, but she resists and gives up too quickly. How can I help her develop more patience and resilience?
Askly Help:
Helping a child build patience and resilience requires a combination of emotional support, practical strategies, and modeling the right mindset. Here are some effective ways to encourage perseverance in young children:
1. Acknowledge Feelings and Normalize Struggles
When a child gets frustrated, the first step is to validate their emotions. Instead of dismissing their feelings, acknowledge them by saying, "I see that you're feeling frustrated because this is tricky. That’s okay! Learning new things takes time." This helps children feel understood rather than discouraged.
2. Introduce the "Yet" Mindset
Encourage the power of "yet." When your daughter says, "I can't do it," gently add, "You can't do it yet, but with practice, you'll get there." This simple shift in language helps children view challenges as part of the learning process.
3. Break Tasks into Smaller Steps
If she feels overwhelmed, break the task into smaller, achievable steps. For example, if she’s struggling with tying her shoes, focus on just one step at a time rather than expecting her to do the entire process perfectly in one go.
4. Model Perseverance
Children learn by watching. Let her see you struggle with something and talk through the process. For example, if you're assembling furniture or trying a new recipe, say aloud, "This is tricky, but I’ll keep trying." Showing persistence in everyday activities teaches resilience naturally.
5. Encourage a Growth Mindset Through Praise
Rather than praising the end result, focus on the effort. Instead of saying, "You're so smart!" try, "I love how you kept trying even when it was hard." This reinforces the idea that effort leads to improvement.
6. Create a "Challenge Chart"
Turn perseverance into a fun challenge. Make a chart where she can add stickers or checkmarks whenever she keeps trying despite difficulties. This visual progress can boost her confidence.
7. Use Storytelling and Books
Stories about characters who face challenges and overcome them can be inspiring. Books like The Most Magnificent Thing by Ashley Spires or Giraffes Can’t Dance by Giles Andreae help children understand that mistakes are part of learning.
8. Introduce a Calm Down Corner
If frustration leads to tears or meltdowns, having a Calm Down Corner can help. This is a small, cozy space with soft cushions, a few sensory toys, and a "feelings chart." Encourage her to take deep breaths, squeeze a stress ball, or look at a calming book before trying again.
9. Celebrate Small Wins
Every time she persists, no matter how small the progress, celebrate it. Saying something like, "Remember when this was really hard for you? Now look at how much better you're doing!" reinforces the value of effort.
By consistently using these strategies, your daughter will begin to see challenges as opportunities to grow rather than reasons to give up. Over time, patience and resilience will become natural parts of her learning journey.