Problem: I love him, but he's always busy.
🎠Problem: I love him, but he's always busy
First person:
Name: Ethan Moore
Occupation: Software Engineer
Address: Portland, Oregon, USA
Ethan wrote:
I'm Ethan, I work at a software firm in Portland. I'm in love with a girl, Lara. I've been with her for two and a half years. She's a nurse, and her shifts are very irregular. I know she's busy with work. But sometimes I feel like I'm not a priority in her life.
There's no time on the phone, messages are delayed, we only meet once or twice a month, maybe that's a coincidence. I understand that he's tired, but I'm also standing in one place—waiting, looking for an explanation.
What should I do? Leave him? Or wait for someone who doesn't have time for me?
✨ Askly Help's answer:
Love is not just a feeling, love is a story of taking up space.
Dear Ethan,
Falling in love is easy, but keeping it is like writing a name on water—it doesn't last without time and attention. You are waiting, you are trying to understand—that proves that you are a deep-hearted person. But love is not just about understanding, it also needs to be explained.
1. Saying 'I understand' and 'being able to understand' are two different things.
Lara is a nurse, her job is demanding—that's true. You understand that. But aren't you suppressing your emotions in trying to convince yourself of that? Ask yourself—are your emotions being heard? Or are you just carrying the burden of empathy?
2. Relationships are not always 50-50, but they can't always be 10-90 either.
Some days you may be giving 90% because you are tired that day. That is also love. But if that 90% becomes just your regular responsibility, then love collapses under the weight of love.
When a relationship loses balance, it becomes a burden—and you didn't come to take on the burden, you came to love.
3. It is not right to love beyond oneself.
If waiting makes you cry, then that waiting is a silent poison. If you lose yourself waiting for someone, then in the end no one will find you—not you, not Lara.
4. Speak—softly, directly.
Problems need to be solved by coming forward—not by tolerating from a distance. Sit down and talk to Lara—not by complaining, but by venting your silent grievances. Tell her how you feel. Sometimes all it takes to wake someone up is your unadulterated truth.
5. Even if love comes back, it has to come back together.
If he loves you, he won't be able to ignore your pain. If he can, then you decide—whom you give your love to, the one who wants to give time, or the one who only feels but doesn't reciprocate.
A drop of light:
Ethan,
love hurts sometimes, but if it's true love—it listens, understands, and makes time. You're waiting for him, that's the power of your love. But think about how much time you're making for yourself, too.
Love is not just about giving, it is also about receiving.
You are not a list of needs—you are a living person who wants to feel, to be felt.
Good luck with your decision—in whatever path you take.
Stay well, stay brave.
— Askly Help