Feeling Lost in Berlin: John’s Struggle with Social Anxiety

John’s Struggle with Social Anxiety

Name: John Müller
Profession: Software Engineer
Age: 29
Country: Germany
City: Berlin

John’s Problem

I never thought living in one of Europe’s most vibrant cities could feel this lonely. My name is John Müller, I’m 29, and I work as a software engineer in Berlin. From the outside, it looks like I have everything — a stable career, financial security, and a modern apartment in the city. Yet deep inside, I’m fighting an invisible battle: social anxiety and disconnection.

Every day, I wake up, go to work, and return home. My colleagues are friendly, but I rarely join them for after-work drinks. The thought of being in a loud bar, surrounded by people, makes me panic. This is how my social anxiety often controls my choices. On weekends, I often sit alone in my apartment scrolling endlessly through social media, watching everyone else live the life I secretly desire — full of friendships, laughter, and love.

Berlin is a city of opportunities, but for me, it often feels like a maze where I can’t find my place. I tried attending meetups, but social anxiety made me leave halfway. I wanted to date, but fear of rejection keeps me away from even starting conversations. I feel like I’m stuck in a cycle: the more I isolate myself, the lonelier I get — and the lonelier I get, the more impossible it feels to break out.

Askly Help’s Solution

John, your struggle is more common than you think — and the fact that you’ve voiced it means you’re already stronger than many. Social anxiety is not a weakness; it’s your mind’s way of protecting you. But protection can become a cage if you don’t gently push its boundaries. Here’s what you can do step by step:

1. Start Small and Safe

Instead of large gatherings, begin with one-on-one connections. Invite a colleague for coffee. Small conversations build trust and reduce the pressure of group interactions. This helps reduce the grip of social anxiety.

2. Practice Gradual Exposure

Anxiety grows when avoided. Pick one social activity every week and commit to staying just 15 minutes longer each time. Slowly, your brain learns that nothing catastrophic happens — and fear begins to shrink. This is one of the best ways to retrain your response to social anxiety.

3. Break the Digital Illusion

Social media often makes loneliness worse. Remember, what you see is the highlight reel of others’ lives. Try reducing screen time and invest those hours in physical activities — like joining a gym, walking groups, or even language classes.

4. Build Self-Compassion

Speak to yourself as you would to a friend. Instead of: “I’m hopeless at socializing,” say: “I’m learning to open up, one step at a time.” Words shape your inner world more than you realize. This mindset shift reduces the shame often tied with social anxiety.

5. Professional Help Is Strength, Not Weakness

A therapist or support group can help you untangle the roots of your anxiety. Many people in Berlin struggle silently, but therapy gives you structured guidance and accountability to face social anxiety head-on.

Final Words from Askly Help

John, your loneliness is not a permanent reality — it’s a temporary storm. Every connection you build, no matter how small, is like planting seeds in a garden. With time and patience, those seeds grow into friendships and love. Remember: being vulnerable is not weakness; it’s courage in its purest form.

To everyone reading this, if you relate to John’s story — take this as a sign. Step outside, send that message, join that class. The world is waiting for you, and so is a version of yourself that feels free, loved, and truly alive — beyond social anxiety.